


To Build A Home

by divinelydecreed



Series: Of Rust, Dust, and Stardust [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, F/F, happy ending? maybe or maybe not, heartbreaking I'd say, they met at a pride parade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 13:11:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17101214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinelydecreed/pseuds/divinelydecreed
Summary: Jennie and Lisa met in the busy streets of Seoul when they were only 10 years old. One day, Jennie sneaked out of their house to watch a colorful parade that Namjoon told her about. After their encounter, they instantly became bestfriends that lasted for years.It was going well.But reality had to ruin the painting.





	To Build A Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I know this story would be heartbreaking but I hope you guys could still enjoy it.

The painting of their friendship started when they were young.

 

 

It was blurry and messy at first.

 

 

Jennie sneaked out of their huge mansion to head towards the colorful parade her brother Namjoon told her about. She was excited, Jennie had always loved colors. Colors made things look happy and maybe that was the reason she wanted to go to the first place. She wanted to see what happy looks like.

 

 

Young Jennie instantly got lost in the busy streets of Seoul. She’s not really fond of crowds, seeing a lot of people has always been overwhelming for her and she has never really stepped foot in these kinds of environment before. This was all new to the young girl. She was a girl who walked in grand and imposing events that her parents take her. She was a girl who grew up in a peaceful and serene household where you couldn’t hear the echo of dystopia the outside world holds. She lived her life where the flowers bloom.  
So stepping and wandering on the dusty and dilapidated pavement somewhere in Seoul, hearing the loud and booming cacophony of noise produced by the rushing vehicles and being bumped by multiple strangers who were too busy to look where they’re going made Jennie feel petrified.

 

 

This was the first time she ever felt so afraid, her usual calm and relaxed disposition instantaneously crippled. The sudden tightening of her chest made her hide in a small alley between two buildings.

 

 

Then the first drop of paint scattered on their painting.

 

 

“Hey, are you alright there?” she says so softly.

 

 

Jennie looked at her with glossy eyes.

 

 

“What are you doing there anyway? You don’t look like you belong here in this kind of place.” The girl said with certainty.

 

 

“I just wanted to watch the colorful parade… But I was overwhelmed by a lot of people and I got lost.” Jennie says the embarrassment in her voice is evident.

 

 

And instead of judging her the taller girl only smiled and said, “you’re going to watch the parade too?”

 

 

“Yeah, I really want to.” The girl with cat-like eyes responded abashedly.

 

 

“C’mere, I’ll take you to the best view.” The taller girl gave her that sweet smile again. Jennie hesitated for a brief moment, but that smile, she swears it made her feel safe. So, she took her hand and let her pull her through the busy streets of Seoul.

 

 

They kept running and running. Jennie didn’t even know where they were going but she trusts her and she’s willing to let the girl take her anywhere. Jennie barely trusts people, but the sincerity residing in her doe eyes, Jennie just knew that this girl who was holding her hand was a person that could be trusted.

 

 

Jennie wondered how she knew these streets so well.

 

 

The girl took her inside of an old building. Walls with fissures, paint that seemed to faint through time, and tiles that are battered and shabby. Jennie isn’t used with this kind of environment since she grew up and lived in such a luxurious place she’s supposed to call home.

 

 

Jennie was already exhausted when they reached their destination.

 

 

The young girl kept panting and she was already sweating profusely which the latter found amusing.

 

 

“I can’t believe you’re already this tired.” The girl with doe eyes chuckled.

 

 

Jennie found it cool that this girl wasn’t even an ounce tired after running those stairs.

 

 

“Do you do that everyday?” Jennie panted. “Do you run around Seoul everyday?”

 

 

“Yeah, I know Seoul like the back of my hand. My friends, Bambam and Seulgi, the three of us run and wander around Seoul all the time.” The taller girl bragged. “What about you?” the girl asks Jennie as they made their way to the balcony of the building. “Do you even have physical activities? It seems like you’re dying after running those stairs.” She chuckled, and Jennie found her so enthralling.

 

 

“No, not really… we have maids in our house that usually does everything, and I just stay in my room most of the time.” Jennie said, her usually poised aura when she talks about her privileges wasn’t there with her, it seemed as if she left it at home. She left every single thing at her house that resembled the Jennie Kim, daughter of a well-known CEO, and the heir of their famous company. Now, she’s just Jennie, a kid who’s always been afraid and insecure. Right now she feels kind of ashamed of the way she lives, while the other girl was flabbergasted.

 

 

“What?! You have maids?! Woah! so you’re rich?” the girl asked, utterly astonished at the information.

 

 

“Yeah, my dad is the CEO of a famous company…” Jennie shrugged as if it was nothing.

 

 

“You’re Kim’s daughter?” The girl asked. Jennie nodded slowly.

 

 

“That’s so cool. I wish I were rich too.” The girl releases a soft chuckle. “So, I won’t have to see my mom overwork herself all the time.” The chuckle that came out from the girl’s lips quickly became a dejected sigh, and the usually alive and bright gaze in her eyes seemed to downcast.

 

 

“Oh…” Jennie didn’t know what to respond. Sometimes there are times where she forgets that there are people who lived far differently from the way she lived. She sometimes forgot that there are people who don’t have the same privileges as her, that there were people who weren’t served with everything in a golden platter. But she’s not blind from the truth, she knows that reality is hard and painful.

 

 

She held the taller girl’s hand and gave it an assuring squeeze. The girl looked up at her and all she could offer at the moment is a sympathetic smile.

 

 

“It’s boring actually…” Jennie tells the girl with bangs.

 

 

“What is?”

 

 

“To be rich, I barely get to spend time with my parents because they’re always so busy, we really don’t have family vacations or outings. Our maids and butlers are usually the ones who take cares of my brother and I. Sometimes it feels like not having parents at all. My brother and I aren’t allowed to go outside and play with other kids, we’re always supposed to practice and improve the lessons mom and dad gave us. And people mostly have high expectations of you, and it’s tiring. Being an heir really sucks. I just want to be a kid, like you.” Jennie admitted.

 

 

“I didn’t know you feel that way…That’s really sad,” The doe-eyed girl pouted, she looks at Jennie with sad eyes. “I’m lucky my mom does her best to spend time with me more often. And I’m also lucky cause I have two bestfriends I can have fun with. I didn’t know being rich is that lonely.”

 

 

“My dad told me that, ‘there are things that we have and don’t have. That’s how the world works.’ And he’s right.” Jennie says.

 

 

“And all I ever wanted is someone who’s willing to explore the world with me.” Jennie added.

 

 

“I could be that person if you want to.” The girl smiled meekly and Jennie could feel herself blush at the offer.

 

 

“I would love to.”

 

 

“Anyway, I’m Lalisa, but call me Lisa instead. Sorry I didn’t mention it earlier. I was just excited, you know? And by the way, I live here in this building.” The girl introduced herself.

 

 

“I’m Jennie.”

 

 

“Nice to meet you, Jennie” Lisa smiled cheekily.

 

 

Then they both laughed and smiled at each other.

 

 

The yellow of Lisa’s laughter goes well with the blackness of Jennie’s life. This newly found friendship rippled splashes of paint on Jennie’s canvas.

 

 

When the parade started Lisa got all jittery and excited and Jennie couldn’t help but smile at the girl.

 

 

When the parade ended Lisa helped Jennie get home safe and sound.

 

 

“Thanks for today. This is probably one of the best days of my life.” Jennie smiled brightly.

 

 

“Thank you for today also,” Lisa tells her. “So, friends?” she smiled meekly while offering her hand.

 

 

Jennie nodded happily and took Lisa’s hand in a flash. “I barely have friends. Thank you for being one.”

 

 

“I’m glad to be friends with you, Jennie” The smile never leaving Lisa’s face. “Anyway, I have to go now, Jennie. Bye!” The doe-eyed girl said and bid her a wave then she left.

 

 

Jennie watched her leave, watched as her figure disappeared slowly by slowly. And she just knew this girl would mean a lot to her in more ways than one.

 

 

And Jennie didn’t realize it sooner but maybe Lisa was the colorful parade she was always meant to watch after all those years.

 

 

||

 

 

Jennie was now 11 years old.

It was already a year ago when she met her bestfriend, and a year ago when she first watched the colorful parade.

 

 

She sneaked out of her house again, Namjoon kept telling her that what she’s doing will get her in trouble but Jennie could care less, she’s been waiting for this parade for months now. And she gets to see Lisa again after a few weeks of not seeing each other.

 

 

“Just be careful, Jen. Or else I’d be a snitch” Namjoon said seriously and Jennie just kept nodding her head hastily. She just can’t wait to meet Lisa.

 

 

Jennie went to the alley she first stumbled in and the alley where Lisa first found her.

 

 

She just sat there and waited for the girl. And after a few minutes, the girl with bangs appeared out of nowhere and decided to surprise her.

 

 

“ahhhh!” Jennie squealed. “Lisa, don’t do that again, I hate you!” the smaller girl groaned while she took Lisa’s hand.

 

 

“No, you don’t” Lisa laughed.

 

 

“Yeah I don’t, it’s hard to hate you,” Jennie tells her, trying to hide the smile tugging on her lips but failing to do so.

 

 

She can never hate Lisa.

 

 

They both laughed. Jennie still thinks it’s the brightest color she’s ever seen.

 

 

They finally got to the balcony.

 

 

“I remember when you first ran here,” Lisa chuckles at the memory. “You were all exhausted and you look like you’d faint any minute.”

 

 

“I improved now, Manoban” Jennie stuck out her tongue at the taller girl.

 

 

Lisa just shook her head at Jennie’s silliness. After a few minutes, the parade started. Both girls just watched the parade paint the city with bright and happy colors. Both girls watched with huge smiles residing on their faces.

 

 

“You know I can’t wait to watch this parade with you every year.” Lisa smiled at her and held her hand.

 

 

And the splashes of paint became a bucket of rippling paint in Jennie’s canvas.

 

 

||

 

  
Jennie’s turning 13.

 

 

There are only 5 minutes until the clock strikes the first a.m but the night remains young and youthful like the two girls riding the bicycle under the moonlight and stars.

 

 

The adrenaline rushed in their bloodstream as Lisa pedaled faster while Jennie kept a tight embrace around her waist.

 

 

Jennie got bolder and slowly released her arms that were encircling Lisa’s waist. She reached her hands up as the cold breeze of Seoul blew an unfamiliar and quiet song at her face. She looked up at the beautiful night sky and started to admire the beauty it holds, the beauty Jennie always daydreamed of.

 

 

“Jennie! Be careful you dummy!” Lisa shouted worriedly at the smaller girl while her eyes were glued to the road.

 

 

“Lisa this is so fun! You should try this too!” Jennie shouted as the air kept blowing at her face.

 

 

“It’s not fun when you get into an accident and your parents and brother start to hunt me!” Lisa shouted back. Trying her best to keep her balance while looking out for her bestfriend.

 

 

Both girls rested on the balcony of the building where Lisa lived. They both pulled out chairs and sat on them and quietly admired the beauty the night holds and how it made the dullness of Seoul enthralling.

 

 

Out of nowhere, Jennie held out her hand at the sky like she was reaching for something. Lisa looked at her weirdly but quickly shook her head chuckling at the latter’s silly antics.

 

 

“What are you even doing, Jen?” Lisa asked covering her face at the second-hand embarrassment she feels.

 

 

“I caught a star for you.” The girl smiled. Lisa only raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Make a wish Pranpriya.”

 

 

“I told you not to call me that.” Lisa rolled her eyes playfully.

 

 

“I think your name’s beautiful! Anyway, shut up and make a wish!” Jennie demanded.

 

 

Lisa sighed and played along. She took the star in Jennie’s hand and held it close to her lips, she closed her eyes and whispered her only desire right now to the universe.

 

 

Lisa wished for her and Jennie to stay like this forever.

 

 

If only youth could last longer.

 

 

After she finished her wish she blew the star back to the universe. She averted her gaze at Jennie. The girl with cat-like eyes had the biggest smile twinkling on her face.

 

 

“There, I’m done!” Lisa announced.

 

 

“What did you wished for?”

 

 

“Now, that’s a secret.” Lisa chuckled, a teasing grin danced on her lips.

 

 

“You’re boring. Why did I even bother asking?” Jennie sighed in annoyance and Lisa just chuckled.

 

 

“Before I forget,” Lisa said, fishing something in her pocket. “I got this for you,” she says as she handed her gift to Jennie, Lisa gave her a cheap plastic golden necklace. “Happy birthday to one of my favorite people!”

 

 

“I thought you forgot about my birthday…” Jennie said in a whisper, she felt like crying over this simple gesture.

 

 

“How could I ever forget your birthday?” Lisa chuckled lightly. “I got that from those claw arcade thingy, it took me a long time and a lot of coins that I saved up to get that. I mean, it’s not worth much but I really tried my best to get that for you.”

 

 

“I think that’s already enough.” Jennie smiled. “All I ever wanted was a true friend or a person that would be there for me, now the universe gave me you and I couldn’t ask for more,” Jennie admitted, she felt tears prickling in her eyes, she’s not used to being this emotional.

 

 

“Stop that…” Lisa shoved her bestfriend lightly. Jennie can see Lisa’s eyes glisten but she didn’t point it out. “Did you already forget about the rules of being my friend? The third rule is don’t you dare cry, ever!” Lisa pointed out, her voice an octave higher. “Because if I ever saw you cry, I’d cry too…” Lisa whispered and Jennie laughed as she wiped away her tears. She swears this girl is the definition of a dork.

 

 

“You know, it’s weird being thirteen… it’s like the world gave you this responsibility you didn’t even ask for.” Jennie tells Lisa who was busy looking at the sky.

 

 

“Nah, not really… yeah, we’re considered as teenagers and people expect us to have this responsibility, but we’re still kids, Jen.” Lisa averted her gaze at Jennie and gave her a soft smile.

 

 

“We should just enjoy it, rather than worry what the world expects us to be.” Lisa continued and held Jennie’s hand. “I’d accept you anyways. In any shape or form, or in any reality or multiverses out there.” Lisa added.

 

 

“You’re such a sweet talker Lalisa…” Jennie blushed. All these emotions feeling up her chest is making her overwhelmed, she doesn’t what to respond or how to act at Lisa’s words.

 

 

“Hey, it’s the truth. It’ll always be.” Lisa reassured her, she held the shorter girl’s hand and interlocked them together.

 

 

“You know, I wish we could live in these kinds of moments forever. I feel like the real world will tear us apart and I’m not ready for that… I’m not ready to lose you.” Lisa achingly whispers. Jennie rested her head on the latter’s shoulder, she can hear the sobs Lisa was keeping.

 

 

“You’ll never lose me.”

 

 

Just a few more hours before they get in trouble.

 

 

||

They were now 15.

 

 

Their blurry and messy watercolor painting continued to bloom into something more of an abstract, something that never really had a precise meaning.

 

 

It’s that time of the year again.

 

 

“Jen, do you really have to do this every year?” Namjoon asked crossing his arms while he stared at his sister who was hastily fixing herself.

 

 

“Joon, it’s already our tradition. I’ve been doing this for the past four or five years and mom and dad still haven’t caught me.” Jennie tells her brother.

 

 

“Lisa’s stealthy skills are rubbing off on you.” Namjoon laughed as he took a sit on Jennie’s bed.

 

 

“What can I say? I have a great teacher.” Jennie chuckled and puts the cap of her lipstick back in its place.

 

 

“I miss my super sensitive and fragile sister who I always protect back then. Please, bring her back!” Namjoon dramatically whined making Jennie roll her eyes.

 

 

“Shut up, Joon.” Jennie chuckled.

 

 

Namjoon walked toward her sister, giving her a kiss on her forehead head and patted her shoulder. “But, if I’m being honest… I love the person you’re growing up to be, Jen. From the little kid who was always afraid and fragile to this person.” Namjoon gestured at his sister. “Lisa became a huge and important part of your development as a person. I really owe her a lot for taking care of you.” He smiled trying not to cry.

 

 

“You’re being dramatic. Do you know that?” Jennie playfully rolled her eyes and laughed.

 

 

“Shut up, a big brother is having his moment.” He replied. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you two became a thing, honestly.” Namjoon laughed.

 

 

“Joon! I don’t like her like that.” Jennie shoved her brother a little too hard.

 

 

“Yeah, right.” Namjoon scoffed. “If she ever breaks your heart I wouldn’t hesitate to fight her. No one is allowed to break my little sister’s heart”.

 

 

“Joon, you’re so delusional,” Jennie tells him.

 

 

If she only knew.

 

 

Jennie opened her window and looked at her brother one last time. “Love you, bro!”

 

 

“Love you too, loser! Now be careful!” Namjoon replied.

 

 

“What took you so long?” Lisa asked as they both made their way to the building.

 

 

“Sorry, I was busy doing my make-up.” Jennie apologized and Lisa only shook her head playfully.

 

 

“You don’t have to wear makeup you’re already pretty, Nini,” Lisa says and Jennie’s cheeks matched the color of the afternoon sky.

 

 

Once they reached the balcony, the pride parade started on time.

 

 

Jennie can never get tired of those colors that swallow the whole city.

 

 

Another day came. The morning light was slowly swallowed by the night as the clock strikes midnight.

 

 

After the parade, Seoul became dull again. And inside of the monotonous city lay two fifteen-year-old girls sitting at a balcony and drinking cheap beer that Lisa stole from their fridge.

 

 

Both girls just stared and admired the stars and the moon above them while drinking their cheap beers.

 

 

“I think being in love is weird and scary… I heard people go up and beyond, doing these crazy things just for a single person. And it makes me not want to feel it.” Jennie voiced her thoughts out loud.

 

 

“You’re probably just heartless.” Lisa chuckles causing Jennie to shove her playfully.

 

 

“At least I’m not a hopeless romantic like you, Manoban.” Jennie teases.

 

 

“Hey! I’ve never been in love, you dummy.” She countered. But Lisa knew deep inside she is, and the person that makes her forget how to breathe is in front of her right now. But, Lisa could never risk wearing her heart on her sleeve.

 

 

Then silence enveloped them again.

 

 

“I have a question…” Jennie trailed off looking at the other girl, breaking the silence.

 

 

Lisa nodded her head for her to continue. “Would you ever stop time if you’re given a chance?”

 

 

Lisa averted her gaze from Jennie’s cat-like eyes and looked at the sky, thinking of an answer while Jennie waited patiently.

 

 

“Nah, I won’t stop time,” Lisa answered confidently.

 

 

“You wouldn’t? Why?” Jennie asked, surprised at her answer.

 

 

“Because if I can stop time then nothing will be important. I get that there are times that we just want to live in that moment forever. I could do something that I really want without that lingering feeling of anxiety. And I could love someone without limitations, without worrying about the time the universe will take that person away from me in the blink of an eye.” Lisa let out a deep sigh, she looked at her feet and fiddled with her fingers.

 

 

“But if time is endless nothing will ever be special. Because if time ever stops moving we will take things for granted; if time stops it won’t make us appreciate what we have right now. Time is limited because it teaches us the importance of each and every moment.” Lisa finished and looked at Jennie with a smile on her face.

 

 

“I don’t know I feel like I’m talking nonsense” Lisa tries to dismiss it with a laugh.

 

 

“No, you’re not. I understand you.” Jennie assured her and gives her a smile.

 

 

“You’ve always understood me,” Lisa says.

 

 

“Same as you,” Jennie tells her.

 

 

“Someday I’d want to leave this place, Jen.” Lisa tells her bestfriend, then pausing for a moment. “But if I ever return I wish I could come back to you.”

 

 

“I’m not a house, silly.” Jennie teases.

 

 

“What if we are each other’s home? After all, a home is a place you feel safe and comfortable and happy. And I feel all those things with you.”

 

 

Jennie didn’t reply, she just smiled. Ever since she met her, the safety and bliss she barely felt and barely knew suddenly became palpable when Lisa held her hand and pulled her through the streets of Seoul. Jennie knew they’ve always been each other’s home.

 

 

 

The painting just continues to paint itself.

 

 

||

 

 

They’re now 16.

 

 

16 seemed harder than being 10.

 

 

Being 10 felt so amazing and carefree since they barely knew the dystopia the world holds. Ignorance has always been bliss when they were young.

 

 

But now they’re older and more mature, the horrors of reality started to manifest and be vivid in front of their own eyes.

 

 

They weren’t scared at that time. But they should have, so they could at least change something. Something that could turn into everything.

 

 

The darkness of Jennie goes well with Lisa’s warm and soft colors. They go well together, colors that never mixed but still complimented each other, it was beautiful.

 

 

It was beautiful, Jennie’s certain. It’s the only few beautiful things she has ever seen.

 

 

They’re stuck in their own euphorias, still stuck in that blissful dream. It wouldn’t have hurt.

 

 

It wouldn’t have.

 

 

If they only kept their mouth shut.

 

 

“If I tell you that I love you… what will you do?” Lisa asked, the hesitancy is vivid and the shakiness her voice is there.

 

 

“I’d reject you… because I don’t feel the same way.”

 

 

If only Jennie could smack some sense into her sixteen-year-old self she would gladly do it. Because her younger self is fucking oblivious towards her true feelings, and too afraid to accept it.

 

 

“Oh…” the reality seemed to hold Lisa down more than gravity ever could.

 

 

It wouldn’t have hurt.

 

 

Lisa smiled, a sad smile.

 

 

“Yeah… me too” Lisa lets out a shaky breath as she averted her gaze.

 

 

The darkness starts to drain every color as the hands of the clock kept ticking.

 

 

A small warm color is still there though, but it’s faint.

 

 

At least it’s still there.

 

 

Lisa was never really expecting something exciting in this Sunday afternoon.

 

 

Seoul is still… Seoul. It’s always the rush hour; the sight of the same old monotonous building that’s captivating at first but it gets dull eventually; the streets are always busy. It’s the same old Seoul Lisa grew up in.

 

 

Until she saw a certain person, a brunette that always stood out in a crowd.

 

 

Lisa started to jog towards her bestfriend until she saw who Jennie was with. Lisa stopped in her tracks.

 

 

The girl wore a wide smile while holding a boy’s hand. It seemed as if they’re on a date.

 

 

They’re on a date.

 

 

All Lisa could ever do is stand there and look at her while there’s this paradoxical feeling that kept jabbing at her chest.

 

 

The painting just kept getting darker.

 

 

Lisa just stood there, the pain of reality processing in her mind, and all she could ever do was watch.

 

 

Lisa wondered if Jennie ever searched for her in a crowd.

 

 

It was 1 in the morning and both girls just sat in that usual balcony that basically became their escape from the world.

 

 

The calm and light atmosphere that surrounded the two wasn’t there though. It was awkward and tense.

 

 

All of this felt new and too scary.

 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lisa asked in a whisper, loud enough for Jennie to hear.

 

 

All of this is suffocating Lisa.

 

 

Jennie looked at her, there was this look in her eyes Lisa can’t quite decipher. “I was planning to… I just didn’t know how to tell you.” Jennie replied.

 

 

“Yeah, and why is that miss-I-don’t-want-to-fall-in-love?” Lisa spat. The feeling of anger and pain coalescing together was never a good thing. She can hear her voice crack at every second. Lisa secretly balled her fist tightly.

 

 

“I don’t fucking know, Lisa. For fuck's sake…” Jennie sighed in frustration, averting her eyes away from her bestfriend.

 

 

“Why would you be scared? Jennie, I’m your bestfriend!” Lisa tells her.

 

 

“I was scared, okay?!” Jennie yelled and faced Lisa. “And I don’t fucking know why!”

 

 

Lisa just looked at her with those same doe eyes.

 

 

“Do you love him?” Lisa asked, she can feel something in her break as those words came out of her mouth.

 

 

“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know… I don’t know what that feels like.” Jennie sighed while fiddling her fingers. “maybe, I could… Who fucking knows? but I’m sure that I really like him a lot.”

 

 

Lisa just looked at Jennie.

 

 

She looks at her like she’s the answer to every question she ever had.

 

 

She looks at her with clarity.

 

 

She looks at her with so much absolute.

 

 

Well, she is the absolute.

 

 

Lisa looks at Jennie. But Jennie’s sight starts to become blurry.

 

 

“How would you define love anyway?” Jennie asked, her voice suddenly became quiet.

 

 

Lisa just looks at Jennie.

 

 

You.

 

 

And even though frustration and pain keep filling up in Lisa’s chest she still answered the question.

 

 

“I think love is like the lungs. Every inhales are the blissful moments we wish to live in forever and the moments we treasure. While every exhales are the things we dread the most, the things that scare us to death. Breathing is a constant and persistent cycle, and in order to live, we need to inhale and exhale. We need to breathe. And maybe that’s how love is supposed to be like.”

 

 

Jennie didn’t know what to respond.

 

 

Lisa just shrugged.

 

 

“Forget what I said… It probably doesn’t make sense.” Lisa tries to dismiss it.

 

 

Jennie wants to tell her it makes sense. It’s the perfect description. She explained it to her. But she didn’t, she just kept quiet. Jennie feels like her younger self again; afraid. But this time she doesn’t know why.

 

 

If Jennie only knew she’s one of the reasons why Lisa still breathes.

 

 

Maybe they’ve always been a paper town in an atlas.

 

 

||

 

 

A few months passed and Lisa asked Jennie how was her relationship with the boy.

 

 

Jennie just shrugged nonchalantly. “We broke up.”

 

 

Lisa just sat there, dumbfounded.

 

 

“I mean I had fun with him. But I just… I can never fall in love with him.” Jennie admitted. Her gaze flickering to the ground and back to Lisa.

 

 

Jennie looks at Lisa and she just breathes.

 

 

Jennie was so stupid before. She didn’t know how she managed to spend week, months, years pretending she’s not in love with the girl.

How the pounding of her heart and the tightening of her stomach wasn’t a giveaway.

 

 

Jennie never really liked the color yellow but Lisa… Lisa reminds her of the sun.

 

 

She’s bright.

 

 

She radiates light.

 

 

Her light seeps into her cracks.

 

 

The girl is so bright, but Jennie had her eyes closed for so long that when she opened it…

 

 

It was all too late.

 

 

||

 

 

They’re 17.

 

 

Lisa’s turning 17.

 

 

The pride parade is exactly Lisa’s birthday.

 

 

“Happy birthday, Lili!” Jennie greeted the girl with enthusiasm.

 

 

Lisa pulled her into a tight hug. She hugged her so tightly as if Jennie would leave at any moment.

 

 

And she really did leave.

 

 

The parade finished and both girls decided to stay until dawn in the balcony.

 

 

“I wished for us to stay happy forever. I wished that we’d stay the same way when we were young.” Lisa blurted.

 

 

“What do you mean?” Jennie asked, utterly confused.

 

 

“You asked me what was my wish when we were thirteen. And I never told you what was it, but yeah… that was my wish.” Lisa tells her.

 

 

“I’ve always been curious what you wished for… but thank you for telling me.” Jennie smiled.

 

 

“You know, there’s this reoccurring dream I have sometimes,” Lisa says. “Where it’s just you and me, we’re alone here in this balcony under the moonlight and we’re dancing barefoot to our favorite song.”

 

 

Jennie smirked. “How about we make that dream into a reality?” Jennie quickly took her shoes off while Lisa just watched surprisingly.

 

 

“Take your shoes off,” Jennie squealed laughing along the process.

 

 

“Okay! Okay!” Lisa giggled.

 

 

So, Lisa did took her shoes off. Jennie pulled out her phone and started scrolling, finding their favorite song in her playlist. Once she found it she tapped play and turned the volume louder.

 

 

She held Lisa by the hand and pulled her closer. They started to sway with the rhythm.

 

 

They just kept laughing and giggling while dancing so carefree.

 

 

It almost seemed like the color was starting to spread through the painting again.

 

 

Until Lisa kept quiet and Jennie started to notice her change of disposition.

 

 

“Lisa, what is it?”

 

 

Lisa hesitated but before she can stop herself the words fell out of her mouth. “I think I’m in love with you… I think I’ve always been.”

 

 

And the darkness and blackness of Jennie’s color started to defy the warmth of Lisa’s color. Swallowing it whole like a black hole until nothing was ever left. Just a plain black sky, without the stars, the moon, the comets, the meteors, the asteroids.

 

 

The abstract and color of their painting were now devoured with plain darkness, eating away every color that blocked its way.

 

 

It wouldn’t have hurt if they could’ve just stayed in their own euphorias.

 

 

It wouldn’t have hurt if they didn’t let reality seep right through the painting.

 

 

They could’ve remained the same colors that contrast and compliment each other, it would’ve stayed like that, but sometimes reality has to spring out of nowhere and splash a mess in their painting.

 

 

It wouldn’t have hurt.

 

 

But reality had to ruin the painting.

 

 

“Lisa…” Jennie can never bring another word out.

 

 

And Jennie walked out.

 

 

Lisa started to cry.

 

 

It’s been a week since Lisa saw Jennie.

 

 

Lisa didn’t mind it at first.

 

 

Until weeks became months.

 

 

Lisa kept waiting for her to return.

 

 

But she didn’t.

 

 

Lisa should’ve kept her mouth shut.

 

 

Now the painting is left and ruined.

 

 

||

 

 

Lisa still waited though.

 

 

It’s already been a year.

 

 

The parade is tomorrow.

 

 

And this is the first time Jennie wasn’t there to see it with her.

 

 

Few more years passed by and Jennie is just a ghost of the past at this point.

 

 

Lisa wished she could forget about her, but that seems impossible.

 

 

On the other side of the country, In Paris, France to be exact, a brunette wakes up everyday then checks her phone hoping for a single message from a certain someone to pop up, but there isn’t.

 

 

It’s her fault anyway.

 

 

It’s been 5 years already since she left without leaving anything. Without leaving a goodbye, a letter that announces her farewell and departure.

 

 

But she did leave something though, it was bitter memories and unfinished conversations and unspoken feelings and words.

 

 

She hated it, she could’ve sneaked out and ran to Lisa to say goodbye but no, she didn’t.

 

 

She didn’t. And that’s one of the worst decisions she ever made.

 

 

The painting remained unfinished, the gaping void is filled with Jennie’s regrets and unspoken feelings.

 

 

It doesn’t become any better though, the colors are still fading, they kept fading until it’s almost a white canvas again, but Jennie tries to fill it with her own darkness, in hope to save it.

 

 

The weight that’s been suffocating Jennie keeps digging in her chest along with her regrets and the pain of unspoken words.

 

 

But she still didn’t give up though. She kept splashing and splashing it with these muddy and ugly colors hoping it would go back to the way it used to be.

 

 

So, when she had her vacation she decided to book a flight back to Seoul and see her at that goddamn balcony clotted with so many memories, colorful and painful memories.

 

 

It’s been a few years since she stepped on Seoul’s streets again. She missed the feeling of it. She missed the wind it blew on her face when it was her 13th birthday. She missed the way the lights swallowed the city when she and Lisa stayed at the balcony and talked about everythings and nothings. She missed the adrenaline that hits her chest when Lisa helps her escape their mansion. She missed the moments where both of them will wish on a star and prays that the universe would grant it if they’re lucky enough.

 

 

She missed this place a little bit too much.

 

 

Or she really just missed Lisa so much.

 

 

As soon as she stepped foot on Seoul she instantly went to Lisa’s apartment. She hopes she still lives there.

 

 

She’s standing on Lisa’s apartment door. She’s shaky and nervous. She doesn’t know if she should knock or just walk away and leave everything unfinished.

 

 

But she pushed herself to knock.

 

 

When the door opened, it revealed her.

 

 

Lisa.

 

 

And Jennie wanted to cry at the moment her eyes landed on her.

 

 

Lisa looked just as shock as her.

 

 

They didn’t say a word to each other.

 

 

Jennie can see that Lisa’s calm disposition changed into a tense one.

 

 

Jennie was about to say hi when Lisa hugged her as tight as ever. Lisa quickly buried her face on Jennie’s neck.

 

 

The contact made Jennie sob.

 

 

They both sobbed.

 

 

It’s been a while since Jennie felt home.

 

 

It’s been a while since Lisa felt home.

 

 

They’ve always been each other’s home.

 

 

They both sat at the balcony. The balcony filled with bittersweet memories they both left.

 

 

Lisa handed her a can of beer which Jennie accepted with a smile.

 

 

They both fell into silence.

 

 

“It’s been a while, Jen…” Lisa breathed out.

 

 

“I know… I’m sorry” Jennie mumbled, guilt gnawing her heart.

 

 

“I’ve waited for you to come back. I waited and waited but I gave up along the way. Cause I thought that you left me forever.” Lisa just stared down at her feet. Jennie knows she’s crying. She knows Lisa all too well.

 

 

“You didn’t even say something, you just left me hanging. Without a proper farewell, hell even a goddamn goodbye would be enough. Even a fucking single goodbye would suffice the bitterness you left here in this goddamn fucking place!” Lisa took a swig of the alcohol in frustration. She felt drowning, doesn’t really know if it’s because of the alcohol or Jennie.

 

 

“If you don’t know, I don’t really live here in this apartment anymore… I managed to buy my mom and I a nice house in a subdivision and we lived there ever since, but I never had the heart to leave this place especially this fucking balcony because we discovered the world in this fucking place.” The same anger, pain, and frustration are still there. But, all Lisa could feel right now is vulnerability. “We explored the world in this place, just like what I promised you when we were ten…” Lisa just fell back on her chair, feeling dejected.

 

 

“It all went too fast… my mom just announced it out of nowhere and we had to leave the day after. I wanted to sneak out just to see you one last time but I didn’t… I just stayed and didn’t do anything because I was too afraid. God, I’m so fucking stupid.” Jennie sobbed.

 

 

“I thought you were never coming back but now you’re here and I’m supposed to feel happy because I get to see you again but I can’t… I can’t because you left me something really painful and it’s still there, I hate it. I forgave you, Jennie. I forgave you a long time ago. But the pain seemed to stay, you know.” Lisa cried.

 

 

Jennie cried. Now they’re both crying.

 

 

The painting is being splashed by tears instead of paint.

 

 

“I’m so sorry Lisa…” is all Jennie could say.

 

 

Silence encompassed both of them.

 

 

“Lisa…”Jennie called out. Her voice is small.

 

 

Lisa looked at her.

 

 

“That night… did you meant all of it?” Jennie looks at Lisa. Like really looks at her in a way she doesn’t look at people.

 

 

Right now Lisa looks like the color indigo. A balance of blue and violet, in between but brighter than the two. Like it’s full of uncertainties and absolutes.

 

 

Lisa has always been the absolute.

 

 

Lisa looks at her and just smiles, a sad smile. She knows what she’s talking about. “I meant every word, Jen.”

 

 

“I’m so stupid not to say it before, but I love you too…”

 

 

Lisa averts her gaze, the look in her eyes just screams sorry. “I love you, Jennie, I really do… but I’m in love with someone else now.”

 

 

Jennie felt dizzy and she’s sure it’s not because of the alcohol.

 

 

Jennie felt everything in her break.

 

 

She was all too late.

 

 

Maybe it’s time to put away the painting and start a new one. But this time it will now have a precise meaning. This time it wouldn’t be a mess. This time it wouldn’t be blurry. This time it would be full of certainties. And this time Jennie wouldn’t make the same mistakes she did.

 

 

She learned a lot and realized a lot, after all the experiences she’s a mature painter now.

 

 

It’s time to put away the childish painting they did years ago.

 

 

It was now Jennie’s flight back to Paris. She hugged Lisa one last time, inhaled her scent to remember it, to remember her.

 

 

She pulled away from the hug and looked at Lisa, she cupped the girl’s cheek and caressed it. “Maybe someday,” she said to herself and gave Lisa a kiss on the corner of her lips. She lets it linger there for a good second and she lets go.

 

 

Lisa looks at her sadly, like she knows what Jennie means.

 

 

Then out of nowhere, Lisa kissed her.

 

 

She felt the world stop.

 

 

The kiss tasted bitter and sweet. Tasted like poison and wine but Jennie would take it nonetheless.

 

 

They both pulled away. And this time Jennie accepted her defeat and is now ready to accept the change that will come.

 

 

Maybe years from now they’d meet again.

 

 

Maybe years from now they’ll paint another picture again. But this time it’s certain.

 

 

Maybe years from now it’d be right.

 

 

Maybe just maybe fate would be kind to them.

 

 

Jennie looked at Lisa one last time and the home she sees in her eyes will always live there. And at this moment all Jennie could do is smile and walk away.

 

 

They both knew with absolute that they are each other’s home even though they live in two completely different worlds now.

 

 

They are always going to be each other’s home.

 

 

And that won’t change.

 

 

And maybe that’s enough.

 

 

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! To be honest, I'm planning on making a part 2 for this. I really want to give these two dorks a happy ending. But, I don't know when will I finish it since I haven't really started writing it. But, yeah I promise to give these two a happy ending they deserve.


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